back

He tried, but he just couldn't...
It wasn't because of his so called friends (those kinda pissed them of on those days he just wanted to be left alone), it wasn't because of anybody else - someone did help but it wasn't because of that person - it was because life was still the same and we was too affraid and to lasy to jump right into something new.
So he decided he was back. Not totaly (deep inside he thought he still needed more time alone than usual) but he was almost totaly back, not that he licked the idea, since life was still the same thing as before. Well, maybe not the same thing but pretty close. He was more sad than before, he couldn't just pretend everything was like before, and even knowing that his friends were there he still felt somehow alone and empty.
For his friends, he thinks it's a releave that he's back. And he's kinda happy for them. The last thing he wants is to see them unhappy because of him...here comes the pushing away part but i'm gonna jump this because you're all tired of that...i know!


so he's back...there's not much more to say...

Still empty...
Still Hollow...
Still waiting for the thing he desires...
Still waiting for change to happen on it's own...

Alone

He died and he was alone but, right there in the bottom, he felt, somehow, relieved. He always had the amazing ability to push away everyone he ever loved and those who loved him back.
As his soul rises in the dark night he looks around. They are all there, dressed in black and looking emotionless to his corpse on the ground. He smiles. They all look so happy! Not because his dead, seing a dead person affects even someone who doesn't know the person, they are happy because they moved on with their lives without him getting in the way.
He looks to those well known faces of his and then to the new faces, the ones that came after he left. Some as old as him, others younger. He didn't feel sorry, he was happy for them, they achieved something he never could, because all he ever did was push people away.
He looks at his dead body. He doesn't even recognise himself. Time and his actions killed his outter look...his inner look was ruined way before that.
Rain starts pooring. That was the only thing left to make the scene even more dramatic. One by one they start leaving and, between all the rain drops he can swear he sees some tears.
- Did they still care about me after all I did? - He asked to himself.
But it was too late, he couldn't go back.

Paranoia dreamin'

Ele sentou-se na cama, de olhar perdido no vazio. Tudo o que mais receava tinha-se, em poucos segundos, tornado numa realidade. O que estava a sentir? Nem ele próprio o sabia. Apenas sabia que não era aquilo que ele queria sentir. Abanou vigorosamente a cabeça e deixou-se cair de costas sobre o colchão. Os seus olhos, normalmente de um castanho a tocar no dourado, estavam agora praticamente negros, quase tão negros como a sua alma, quase tão vazia como o seu olhar.

Onde tinham ido parar todos os planos de há poucos dias? Onde estava a vontade de continuar a viver? Aquela força que o forçava a avançar parecia, de subito, ter desaparecido e, no seu intimo,sentia-se como se não tivesse ninguem com quem contar.

O que iria fazer agora que tudo havia sido revelado de forma cruel?
Fechou os olhos e adormeceu, aquelas perguntas terão resposta num outro dia, numa outra hora.

Sleep well fallen angel

(Prometo post mais animado para a próxima)